These overwhelming attraction and fixation you experience when you start a new relationship are known as infatuation, puppy love, or the honeymoon period. This is commonly referred to as NRE, or new relationship energy, in the polyamorous world. You’re probably experiencing NRE if you’ve ever found yourself getting sidetracked at work by memories of your most recent date or keeping an eye on your phone in anticipation of a text from your significant other.
Although it can undoubtedly happen in monogamous relationships, the polyamorous community invented the term NRE to give a name to the intense feelings that arise when a new connection is forged. According to polyamory trainer and content producer Chad Spangler, NRE can happen in friendships as well, despite the fact that it’s most common in romantic or sexual relationships. He explains to Bustle that the feeling is simply joyful enthusiasm about the potential for the start of an incredible relationship.
Naturally, experiencing that kind of connection with someone might make you feel warm and fuzzy, but there are several crucial factors to take into account when thinking about how NRE may affect a polycule, or collection of individuals connected by multiple poly relationships. In the section below, experts discuss how NRE can impact polyamorous relationships and how to handle it without hurting others in the relationship.
How NRE can harm relationships in polyamorous situations
Allowing yourself to dive headfirst into NRE if you are polyamorous and meet someone new and intriguing could make it more difficult for you to fulfil your duties to your present partners. Leanne Yau, the creator of Poly Philia and a polyamory educator, warns that if people aren’t careful, NRE may lead them to abandon their current relationships because they want to spend all of their time with their new partner. This can manifest as double-booking or even forgetting dates with your other partners, communicating with your new partner while spending time with your current partner, or putting your current connection before any other partnerships.
Despite the excitement of engaging in NRE with a new partner you genuinely enjoy, it could leave the other people in your life — romantic partners or not — with a bad taste once they realise that you’re prioritising the NRE over your other obligations. According to polyamory educator and content producer Michelle Hy, “part of the connotation with NRE is that there can be a type of tunnel vision, when a person starts directing more of their sexual/romantic energy toward a new partner.” “This frequently occurs without any malice in mind. Taking a lot of substances that make you feel good can momentarily change your priorities. Allowing NRE to dominate your attention or persist for an extended period of time might start to erode your polycule or relationships emotionally and bring hurt.
How Polyamorous Relationships Can Benefit from NRE
In addition to the dangers of NRE in polyamorous relationships, there may also be benefits. These intense emotions may have a favourable effect on your other relationships in addition to the feelings of love and gratitude you have for your new companion. NRE, according to Hy, “may actually develop a strong, healthy connection when balanced well.” Feeling like they have more love and energy to share to other relationships is something that many people encounter. So that renewed love may help create a positive climate where all of your relationships can flourish and where everyone feels equally valued.
According to Yau, experiencing NRE can also help you understand the dual nature of polyamory. One benefit of polyamorous relationships is that you can enjoy the security and comfort of a committed partnership while still enjoying the novelty, passion, and desire of a brand-new one. NRE can be a really helpful method to feel thankful and fulfilled in your lifestyle, so long as you can delicately balance the demands and expectations of each of your partners.
Spangler adds that NRE might occasionally spread to your other partners, inspiring fresh sentiments of desire and respect. In reference to the poly concept of “compersion,” or the idea of feeling happy that your partner is happy, he states, “just as you could have unpleasant feelings from seeing your spouse thrilled about another person, you can also feel positive emotions for your partner’s happiness.”
In a polyamorous relationship, how to handle NRE
It’s crucial to comprehend how NRE manifests and to learn how to control the emotions that go along with it in order to make sure you’re not offending your present relationships. Yau advises not letting the intensity of a new relationship blind you because it can sometimes make it difficult to see how it is affecting those around you. If you don’t have the same amount of intensity and freshness in a relationship, she advises against making snap judgements or beginning to mistrust your current connections. The key is that you can take pleasure in both at once. She noted earlier that one of the advantages of a polyamorous lifestyle is that you may stay grounded in and enhance the relationships you already have while yet finding excitement and novelty in other interactions.
It’s important to consider your partners’ feelings while you’re the one going through NRE. Spangler advises that you “check up with your existing partners to see how they’re feeling.” “It’s vital to listen when they come to you with worries or less-than-pleasant feelings, but being proactive shows your partner that you are dedicated to maintaining your relationship’s health and happiness.” Maintaining accountability and being deliberate about not allowing NRE to undermine the equilibrium between your partnerships requires regular opportunities for honesty and conversation.
Yau advises being clear in your communication, establishing boundaries where required, and keeping in mind the value of comparison (i.e., comparing won’t improve your relationship) if someone else in your polycule is experiencing NRE. When you’re enjoying the high of NRE, your spouse will eventually start to experience jealousy, worry, or support, she predicts. As usual, when it comes to polyamory, it’s crucial to be gracious and patient, have sympathy for their experience, and recognise that you should grant them the freedom you would desire for yourself.
